Why do you say it's easy?
by lollybrooke
Summary: Kaylie is caught in the hold of anorexia, struggling to keep herself alive. She is all tired, derserted and alone...or is she?


**A/N So I'm a gymnast who's absolutely in love with Make It or Break It. My fave character's Kaylie and so I thought I'd write a fic including her. I haven't watched MIOBI since Worlds was on because I've been waiting for the new season so I'm sorry if I've forgotten some small details.**

**Chapter 1.**

"Let us sleep for in dreams we enter a world that's entirely our own. Let us swim through the deepest ocean or glide over the highest cloud."- Albus Dumbledore

Safety. Haven. Escape. Behind the wall that kept her alseep, Kaylie felt nothing. She did not feel the utter loneliness; she did not feel the fear of failure. The weight of pressure that had been pressing on her shoulders had vanished, she could feel nothing. And it felt good.

Kaylie's mind was blank. She had no coherent thoughts and no apparent awareness of her surroundings. Her body had shut down. It had no energy to keep going, no nutrition. Slowly her organs had been damaged, as she'd trained harder and harder with no fuel. The damage was quick and it was dangerous. Her mind was exhausted. Exhausted physically and exhausted from the mental anguish that Kaylie was going through in every waking thought. It was easier to block it all out than to try and desperately survive with no energy to run on. That's what it had had started her beam routine at the World trials. The pressure was on and she needed to hit it cleanly. The last thing she remembered was the world warping in and out of shape and a warm pair of arms around her. And then it was black.

….

Austin disconnected his iPod from the laptop.

"So Kaylie, I finished that playlist I told you I was making for you. I don't know whether they're your kind of songs…I don't really know what music you like. But most music's good, right?" Austin looked at Kaylie's thin, gaunt face, obscured by the wires that fed into her nose. He sighed before reaching over and gently putting the headphones into her ears. "Well whatever, I like these songs. Maybe when you hear them you'll think about waking up, huh? 'Cos we all really miss seeing your eyes and your face and your smile. We miss you Kay, even me."

He took hold of her hand, engulfing it in his own, careful not to knock the needle that was secured in place. He'd been here before. When his sister had been in the hospital, near to death because of the anorexia, he had promised that he would never let anyone else he knew suffer that way. And yet here he was, with the girl who had captivated him so effortlessly and intrigued him so deeply, watching her sway between fading away and desperately clinging on to life. The doctors had been pumping nutrients into her at as great a rate as they could but after the amount of damage that had been caused, there was only so much that they could do. It was up to Kaylie to fight back, to be strong enough to win.

Austin knew that Kaylie was strong. God knows he'd seen her fall in the gym and get back up straight away more times than he could count. But it didn't stop him being frightened to his core. What if this time was the exception? What if Kaylie, the feisty, spirited girl who had him hooked just couldn't make it through this time? It didn't bear thinking about. And yet with her lying there in front of him, so still and so pale, how could he not? Each day that she lay unconscious killed him a little more.

…

The darkness was nice. It was empty. It wasn't hot, it wasn't cold. There were no worries, nothing to think about. It was easy. And yet very occasionally something would break it, just for a second. A noise, or a sensation. Something touching her hand, a note in her ear. She didn't want those moments. She didn't like them. They were too harsh, too real, too painful. It was easier to stay under her blanket of darkness.

"Ugh, I can't believe in all these years that there have been hospitals, they haven't thought to redesign the hospital gowns! I mean seriously, it's clearly the worst fashion mistake ever made. Well, apart from Lady Gaga's meat dress but you know….oh wait you don't! Oh my gosh, Kay I can't believe you missed it! Lady Gaga wore a dress made entirely out of meat steaks. How gross is that?" While some people found talking to an unconscious person difficult and uncomfortable, Lauren Tanner seemed perfectly at ease with holding a one way conversation. It was the third time she had come to visit Kaylie in the hospital and as far as she could tell, there had been no change in her friend's condition. She would stare at her for minutes on end just waiting to see a twitch or a start, any sign of life. But the only thing that distinguished Kaylie from a corpse was her shallow, barely noticeable breathing.

"So anyway, gym gossip. Payson's floor's getting even better but she hasn't gone near the other apparatus yet. Emily's been dancing round in more of her ugly leotards and don't you have a go at me for saying that. I know you like her but please! She looks like she's wearing a bin bag! Me? Well, I'm doing great. Our new coach, Ross, told me I could be World Champion. Do you know what? I think he's a better coach than Sasha! You need to wake up so you can come and try and get anywhere near kicking my ass!" Lauren smiled sadly. "I can't believe how quickly this happened," she said softly, her voice full of remorse. "And I didn't even notice. I'm meant to be your friend, even if we have had some pretty big issues. I'm so sorry, I should have been there to help you. I just wish you'd wake up. We miss you Kay."

…

Beep. Beep. Beep. It registered in Kaylie's mind. She couldn't connect it to anything, it didn't mean anything. She could just sense it.

Austin slid into Kaylie's room, quietly shutting the door behind him. He looked around. There were balloons, cards and flowers everywhere. Hundreds of Kaylie's fans had sent her cards and messages. Her anorexia hadn't been made public, it was just known that she had collapsed at World Trials. It would be up to her whether and when she would tell the public.

He sat down in the chair next to her and looked at her face. Even in unconsciousness her face was strikingly beautiful. Her shadowed eyelids were unmoving, covering the eyes that he had looked into and seen past Kaylie's hard shell, seen the pain that was underneath. He wished that he could have done something more to protect her from the awful disease. Inside he knew that he had tried, that he couldn't have taken away her free will, but still he felt guilty. He had known how much of an effect it was having on her and what it could do. He had experienced first-hand the hold that anorexia could have on a family. Kaylie's parents were, of course, distraught. They had been at the hospital since she had collapsed, willing her to get better. And yet the whole time they had not spoken to each other, not made any attempt to get on. It was what Kaylie had been stuck between. It was part of what had driven her so far.

In the days that Austin had spent by Kaylie's bedside he felt he had learnt so much about her that he had never known, despite the fact that she was unconscious. She was so unique and incredible. He hadn't known her that long and there was so much more he yearned to know. He wanted to be there to support her.

"Hey Kaylie. It's, er, me. It's Austin…again. How are you doing today pretty girl? You got a whole lot more fan mail. Everyone wants you to get better." He paused, not sure what to say. It seemed futile to talk when she probably couldn't hear and certainly couldn't respond. And yet he needed to talk to her. At night the image of her falling would replay in his head. He could remember it so clearly. She had started to wobble. She had paused, not doing her next move, not doing anything definite, staring down at the beam. Her knees had started to buckle, her legs were shaking, she was swaying all over the place. He saw in her eyes that she wasn't really there anymore and he had sprinted up from his seat, reaching the beam as her eyes had rolled back into her head and her tiny frame had fallen into his arms. It haunted him, seeing her so weak and helpless. It was not the Kaylie he knew. He stroked the back of her hand softly.

Kaylie's mind sparked. She was aware of something on her hand. It felt like an electric shock after not feeling anything for so long. She grasped on to the feeling. It was so real and so alive. It was like a blot of colour in an otherwise dark world. It felt good. She could hear the beeping again. And she could hear more. If she really tried. She could hear someone's voice. A deep, comforting, beautiful voice.

"Please, Kaylie, please. Just open your eyes. It's not so bad I promise. We can help you through this. You have so many people supporting you, so many people that care. I couldn't bear to lose you Kaylie. Not now, not like this. There's so much about you I don't know. There's so many times that we haven't had yet. I love you Kaylie, I really do. Please, just let me see you smile again." Austin broke off, his head in his hands, as a tear escaped his eye, anguish written all over his face. He was desperate. He knew he had been in love with Kaylie Cruz but until he was faced with the possibility of losing her he hadn't realised how in love he was. She was all he thought about, all that really mattered to him. It was crazy how one girl could take over his whole life. He'd never felt anything like it before.

Kaylie lay, thinking about what she'd heard, trying to get it to register in her brain. The words were jumbled up, muddled around. It didn't make sense.

Please. Promise. Eyes. Care. Through. Supporting. Lose. So much. Don't know. Many times. Smile. Again. I. Love. You. Kaylie.

I love you Kaylie. I love you Kaylie. I love you Kaylie.

It played in her head like an alarm bell.

I love you Kaylie. I love you Kaylie. I love you Kaylie.

She grasped onto it. It seemed positive. It seemed special. It seemed good. It was pulling her to the surface. She fought against the wall of darkness. Suddenly she had strength. She wanted to push past it. She struggled but it wouldn't move. She tried again.

Austin yelled out. He had been staring dejectedly at Kaylie's face, willing her to come back to him, letting the tears flow from his eyes as he realised what he may have lost. He had been staring when her eyelids had fluttered. He had blinked, thinking he must have imagined it, but they did it again. He had yelled for a doctor or nurse or somebody to come. He took hold of Kaylie's hand.

Kaylie pushed against the wall again. She could feel a pressure on her hand. She could hear the voice again.

Squeeze. Hand. You. Hear. Me.

They didn't quite make sense, didn't quite fit together. They came again.

Squeeze. Hand. Kaylie. Squeeze. If you. Hear Me.

She understood. She tried to squeeze with her hand but couldn't work out how. She didn't know what would make them move. She tried again. Still nothing.

"Come on Kaylie," Austin practically begged. Her hand in his was still and lifeless but her eyelids still fluttered. "Just squeeze my hand. You can do it."

You. Can. Do. It. She tried one more time, with all her effort, to push past the wall. To come back.

Kaylie's fingertips twitched gently in his hand. Her eyes fluttered open, looking into his and Austin let out a sob, filled with joy, relief and elation. Kaylie was back.

**A/N Well I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. Obviously waking up is just the start of a long journey for Kaylie and Austin so if you want to see what's coming next review review review!**


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